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Top 5: Noir Movies

Laura

 

You can feel the lushness. Everything seems like it’s made of velvet, even the wood for the fire. Vincent Price is a sweet idiot. Dana Andrews is a detective prince. And Gene Tierney does what she damn well pleases. The most important lesson: Beware of grandfather clocks.

Brick

 

This movie is made for a certain portion of the population. A portion that is doomed to be obsessed with it. So. Many. Noir. References. The writing melds the most classic of the genre with the low budget set that is high school. It’s stripped down and beautiful.

The Glass Key

 

Brian Donlevy is a street tough with a comic gift. The only thing that feels off is that Veronica Lake chooses Alan Ladd over him, but that is probably because the two are so darn height compatible. Ladd and Lake line up like they could kiss forever.

Dark City

 

Rufus Sewell, Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt, Kiefer Sutherland, and the bad creepy guy from Ever After. His goatee is gone, but its’ intent remains. The sci fi mixes with the noir in a way that turns this into fantasy. In the best way possible.

On Dangerous Ground

 

Ida Lupino. Her chemistry with Robert Ryan is a thing of beauty, but the real power of this film is solely with her. It keeps her in frame so much you almost feel like a stalker. It’s an intimate, character connecting investment.

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snl · top 10

Top 5: Future SNL Host Picks

I. Love. Saturday Night Live. There is nothing that they can do that will ever kill it. It is forever. I am compelled. I shove my nose into every episode, wanting the fix of the skit that lands. This season can not deter me. It does baffle me. It does make me wonder which spokes in the wheel are off. Is the gleam coming off the Emmys shining too bright into the eyes of Colin and Che? What is happening over there, guys? Don’t get me wrong, that any episode of SNL has ever come together given the mayhem of its’ DNA is a win. But it feels like the writing has gone a bit haywire. I say that with love, and with the understanding that no matter how talented a host can be, they need the writing to back them up.

Here are my picks for five hosts so perfect for Saturday Night Live that their exclusion physically hurts me:

Tituss Burgess

How has this not happened? Tituss is Tina Fey royalty, that should count for an automatic invitation.

John Cho

He is sunlight. He is rapture. He is the Cho.

Mindy Kaling

For a time she was an snl writer, and now she has evolved to show momma. The writer and overseer of a tale well told and cast is the gift that she brings. Plus she’s funny as hell.

Retta

Parks and Rec Alum, Stand Up Comedian, and shining bright on Good Girls. Her visits to Seth Meyers’ Late Night are basically SNL host auditions and she nails them.

Rachel Bloom

The energy and skill that she brings to Crazy Ex Girlfriend is a full resume that should allow this lady to do whatever she wants in her career going forward. Like, anything. Just go with it world, and enjoy.

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top 10

Top 7: The Next James Bond

I recently listened to the George Lazenby episode of The Dollop Podcast, and it was insane. The hoops that a potential Bond has to go though, how the producers make their decisions, and how long they want them on the hook is too much. I’d like to say that since George was almost 50 years ago that things have progressed, but it looks like not. Release poor Daniel Craig, you monster producers, and chill on your crazy contracts. Focus on things like quality stories and fun casting. Yes, Fun. Because without that crucial element, what is the point?

Idris Elba

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Idris is the most obvious match for the role which should have been made reality years ago. Years.

Ruth Negga

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Ruth is everything. Her Tulip on Preacher shows that Bond is well within her talents. She has so much brutal charm. So perfect.

Ming-Na Wen

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In. Her. Sleep. Her Bond would enter the room and command it. Her martini order would be delivered just by looking at her.

Tariji P. Henson

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Class. Presence. Intense as shit Eyes. Tariji would twinkle while handling any situation.

Oscar Isaac

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This man can smile with the most amount of charming subtext. Picture him as Bond, it’s very easy.

Krysten Ritter

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Jessica Jones is probably ending soon along with all the Disney owned Marvel content on Netflix. Something about the new Disney streaming service, but I have heard rumors about that for years. So this badass actress needs and deserves a new role.

Jemaine Clement

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He would just be so much fun to watch. Jemaine is my I’m Kidding/But Actually I’m Serious He Would be so Good Pick.

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